Ugly Truths and Pretty Lies (re-write)
Ugly truths and pretty lies
slice through the rule
that was once golden.
Silence is too pricey
for the average man.
Honesty and integrity
are blemished
beyond recognition.
Once sacred, now replaced
by treachery--
they are debauched.
The bride no longer wears white;
she is raped repeatedly
of her identity. She
drapes herself in a shroud
of red—-the blood she sheds
on the road from envy, yours.
Technology favors no one.
Data access is evolving,
only to be exploited
by the greedy, the needy,
and the adventurous.
Protect yours alone.
slice through the rule
that was once golden.
Silence is too pricey
for the average man.
Honesty and integrity
are blemished
beyond recognition.
Once sacred, now replaced
by treachery--
they are debauched.
The bride no longer wears white;
she is raped repeatedly
of her identity. She
drapes herself in a shroud
of red—-the blood she sheds
on the road from envy, yours.
Technology favors no one.
Data access is evolving,
only to be exploited
by the greedy, the needy,
and the adventurous.
Protect yours alone.
posted by Vickie at 9:29 PM
6 Comments:
S2 has three uses of 'and' - feels sort of listy and redundant.
S3 I love!
S4 - expanded. . . I'd prefer something that hinted at accessibility maybe?
I got rid of two of the ands but might not have done it justice. I had trouble with that part when I did the re-write. You loved that strophe in the original, too. I did change it a bit so that it was less different, but you still found it! I went from explanded to evolving. I've taken a liking to that word over the past month or so. I wonder why?
better... I dunno, something in S2 still feels off... I'm too wired right now to think straight, lemme come back to this.
alright, I'm gonna stare at s2 for a bit. thanks!
Honesty and integrity,
are blemished to
crumbling death.
Once sacred, now replaced
by treachery -
they are debauched.
Another re-write to s2. Thanks for the suggestion.
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