Silence is Deafening
As the quiet settles around us,
I try to quell my uneasiness.
I realize there is an absence
of anything real within the room.
All the feelings that flooded us
a moment ago, have been sucked
into an inaudible vacuum of gloom.
We are left with a void,
once filled with everything
that couples share--
now empty and palpable,
in its deafening stillness.
I scream just to break the agony.
I try to quell my uneasiness.
I realize there is an absence
of anything real within the room.
All the feelings that flooded us
a moment ago, have been sucked
into an inaudible vacuum of gloom.
We are left with a void,
once filled with everything
that couples share--
now empty and palpable,
in its deafening stillness.
I scream just to break the agony.
posted by Vickie at 8:58 PM
3 Comments:
I like this one. Please permit me to tinker...
As the quiet settles around us,
I try to quell my uneasiness.
I realize there is an absence
of anything real in the room.
All the feelings that flooded us
a moment ago, have been sucked
into an inaudible vacuum of gloom.
We are left with a void,
once filled with everything
that couples share--
now empty and palpable,
in its deafening stillness
and I scream
just to break the agony.
I am clueless about the correctness (or lack thereof) of this, I just wanted to see what it would look like broken up a bit. I also changed "within" to just "in" in the first stanza, line 4, because I think it adds an awkward syllable.
Hope you don't mind my picking! Nice work, V!
I added the stanza breaks but left within. I'll think about that one. Thanks for tinkering with this. You do know that this was a challenge from Erin, right?
No ma'am, I did not. Challenge or otherwise, I liked it a lot.
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