...and an alto sax
...and an alto sax
bemoans my loss.
Each note reverberates
with the pain I suffer
since you left.
The melody rises and falls
much like the aching sobs
that rip from my throat
in my sleepless nights.
The deep voice of its music
strokes a hole in my chest
as each note wails its presence.
It soothes me into a fitful
slumber where you are still
a part of my "we."
I wake with tears only to find
my bed empty again.
bemoans my loss.
Each note reverberates
with the pain I suffer
since you left.
The melody rises and falls
much like the aching sobs
that rip from my throat
in my sleepless nights.
The deep voice of its music
strokes a hole in my chest
as each note wails its presence.
It soothes me into a fitful
slumber where you are still
a part of my "we."
I wake with tears only to find
my bed empty again.
9 Comments:
Wow, V. I have read this 4 times now. where you are still
a part of my "we." - I especially like that. I think I would ditch the "and" at the beginning. It makes the poem feel like the second half of something. This may just be my anal retentive preference, but I'd like to see some stanzas here. For some reason I stumble more trying to read it as a whole thing, with no breaks. (Incidentally, that happens to me all the time, not just with your writing.)
Anyway, I am really feeling your sense of loss lately and I hope you're OK. I have to admit, I've been so crazy busy, I haven't read your blog much and would probably know what's going on if I had. I'm sorry. :o(
the and is part of the trigger from the round robin, so it must stay. I've made some compromises in this one as well and even added some stanza breaks. I'm just ducky, actually. This round robin has added some spark to my creativity lately. I just wanted to see where the triggers would take me. Thanks for all of your help and encouragement today.
No prob, V. When the mood strikes, I try to go with it. :o) Glad I could offer some helpful input.
mmmm yummy V. I think s3 leans a bit toward cliche but the over all effect here is lovely.
any less cliche?
much better
great, thanks...
This is great! I love the way you use the music.
Nan
Thanks Nan, I really appreciate your stopping by.
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